Are you looking for a query critique from those in the know? Or do you have a question you've always wanted to ask an agent? Each month, agents Gemma Cooper and Molly Ker Hawn from The Bent Agency are offering just that.
This month, they answer more of our readers' burning questions and critique a query.Questions:For a picture book submission, together with the manuscript, what other pieces of artwork should someone include? E.g. A storyboard, a character sheet and a double page spread? First, check the submission requirements to see if anything is particularly requested on the agent’s or publisher’s website. Personally, I like to see two finished spreads, or one finished spread and a character sheet. You could also include a rough storyboard, or thumbnails. I never expect to see this in submissions, but it can be helpful for showing how you envisage the completed story. Always include a link to any of your other artwork that is available online. Make sure you have updated your website with any new work before submitting to agents, and take down anything old that you don’t want them to see. If you have some children's fiction that's not quite ready to submit, but find yourself with an offer from a publisher for a children's non-fiction book, should you look for an agent who likes your fiction as well? How do you go about doing that when your fiction isn't yet quite the best it could be? A good agent will be open to discussion about your fiction as well as the offer you have in hand. Explain that you’re working on a fiction project (or projects) as well and be prepared to show a draft to agents who are interested in speaking with you about representation. Some agents have the skills and background to help you with polishing your work and getting it ready for publication. Query:Original Query :Dear Gemma/Mrs Ker Hawn, I’m seeking representation for my picture book texts ‘Wunderpants!’ and ‘Finn The Friendly Shark’ (complete at 460 words and 610 words respectively). They are both humorous rhyming picture book texts aimed at 4-7 year olds.[Is it OK to send more than one picture book query at a time? I’ve read that it’s acceptable to send up to three at once.] Wunderpants! It’s Nell’s first day at school and… disaster strikes! She has an ‘accident’ and, when her teacher tries to find her some clean underwear, only a pair of boy’s blue underpants will fit. But these are no ordinary pants. They are WUNDERPANTS! and, when Nell puts them on, wonderful things start to happen. Maybe, just maybe, Nell’s first day at school won’t be so bad after all…[I’m not sure how much detail to go into here. This story is obviously about ‘first day at school worries’ and also, more generally, shyness/confidence. Hopefully this is apparent from the above synopsis/pitch.] Finn The Friendly Shark Life can be tough when you’re a great white shark who’s more fun-loving than ferocious: fish are your friends, the neighbours all laugh, even your own family seem embarrassed. So cute little Finn runs away with hopes of becoming menacing and mean. Will he be able to prove himself and win the respect of his father and older brothers?[Again, is this enough? This story has a bit more going on. It’s touches on lots of themes including: not fitting in; not living up to your family’s expectations; what it’s like to be a boy who isn’t overtly macho; that it’s OK to be sensitive; that brains can be better than brawn; that parents aren’t always right. Should I mention any of this or just hope the prospective agent will be intrigued enough to read the text and form their own opinions?] I’m a 39-year-old mum of two (girls aged 8 and 5). I’ve always loved stories and, for the past 15 years, I’ve written about other people’s – as a TV reviewer and features writer on national magazines such as TV Choice, Closer, TV Quick and The Total TV Guide. In December 2011 I attended an Arvon Foundation course about picture books (the course tutors were Peter Bently and Mei Matsuoka) which inspired me to begin writing picture book texts of my own. My story ‘The Sun And The Moon’ was one of 20 shortlisted finalists in the recent Walker Books/Mumsnet Book of Bedtime Stories competition. I am also a member of SCBWI. Thank you for your time. Yours sincerely, Here's what Gemma and Molly said:Dear Gemma/Mrs Ker Hawn, I’m seeking representation for my picture book texts ‘Wunderpants!’ and ‘Finn The Friendly Shark’ (complete at 460 words and 610 words respectively). They are both humorous rhyming picture book texts aimed at 4-7 year olds. [Is it OK to send more than one picture book query at a time? I’ve read that it’s acceptable to send up to three at once.] Yes, for picture books it’s fine to send up to three at once. Just make sure they’re the very best ones you have, and don’t just send three because you can! Wunderpants! - It’s Nell’s first day at school and… disaster strikes! She has an ‘accident’ and, when her teacher tries to find her some clean underwear, only a pair of boy’s blue underpants will fit. But these are no ordinary pants. They are WUNDERPANTS! and, When Nell puts them on, wonderful things start to happen. Maybe, just maybe, Nell’s first day at school won’t be so bad after all…[I’m not sure how much detail to go into here. This story is obviously about ‘first day at school worries’ and also, more generally, shyness/confidence. Hopefully this is apparent from the above synopsis/pitch.] For a picture book, a short paragraph of about 3-4 lines is fine. Finn The Friendly Shark - Life can be tough when you’re a great white shark who’s more fun-loving than ferocious: fish are your friends, the neighbours all laugh and even your own family seem embarrassed by you. So cute little Finn runs away with hopes of becoming menacing and mean. Will he be able to prove himself and win the respect of his father and older brothers? The plot is getting a bit lost here. Initially it’s unclear why it’s a problem that fish are his friends – having friends seems like a good thing – and then it’s unclear why the neighbours laugh. Why is being fun-loving an issue? It sounds like he’s okay and having a good time being different, so we can’t see why life is tough. Is the problem that he is cute and small? Start with the problem more clearly explained. [Again, is this enough? This story has a bit more going on. It’s touches on lots of themes including: not fitting in; not living up to your family’s expectations; what it’s like to be a boy who isn’t overtly macho; that it’s OK to be sensitive; that brains can be better than brawn; that parents aren’t always right. Should I mention any of this or just hope the prospective agent will be intrigued enough to read the text and form their own opinions?] Don’t tell us what themes we should be taking from a book -- we can form our own opinions. A good picture book text with a message manages to layer that message in an engaging story, so it can be read on two levels. If you try to make it too didactic, a kid will see through you!I’m a 39-year-old mum of two (girls aged 8 and 5). We don’t really need to know this. Your work background is more relevant than your family here. I’ve always loved stories and, for the past 15 years, I’ve written about other people’s – as a TV reviewer and features writer on national magazines such as TV Choice, Closer, TV Quick and The Total TV Guide. In December 2011 I attended an Arvon Foundation course about picture books (the course tutors were Peter Bently and Mei Matsuoka) which inspired me to begin writing picture book texts of my own. My story ‘The Sun And The Moon’ was one of 20 shortlisted finalists in the recent Walker Books/Mumsnet Book of Bedtime Stories competition. I am also a member of SCBWI. Thank you for your time. Yours sincerely,
Gemma Cooper and Molly Ker Hawn represent authors of books for children and young adults. For more information about Gemma and Molly see The Bent Agency website and blog.
Are you looking for a query critique from those in the know? Or do you have a question you've always wanted to ask an agent? Each month, agents Gemma Cooper and Molly Ker Hawn from The Bent Agency are offering just that.This month they answer some more of our readers' burning questions, and critique a query.
How long should someone wait before chasing for a reply to a full manuscript request?Gemma and I always confirm receipt of a full manuscript and give an idea of our response time, if you haven’t heard from us within that timeframe, then it’s all right to nudge us. If the agent you’ve sent your full to doesn’t give you a timeframe, then I suggest you check in with her after three months or so.
Do you brainstorm ideas for new projects with your clients?Absolutely – if the client wants that. We love brainstorming! We’re out meeting with editors all the time, so we can help clients develop commercial ideas with particular editors in mind, or play with ideas based on trends we’re seeing in requests from editors. Some clients prefer not to brainstorm ideas first, and that’s okay also. As I’ve said before, every client is different and we have different relationships with each one.I'm in Australia for the next year. Would UK agents consider submissions from writers who are temporarily overseas? Yes, but then we represent clients living all over the world. Ideally, if we’re selling to a UK publisher, it would be good if you are in the country when your book is published so you can promote your book and do school visits to get word of mouth out on the playground. Most of the pre-publication process is done by email, although it is always nice to get to meet your editor.
I'm writing a contemporary witch school story and would love to occasionally reference some Harry Potter words as in, 'Where's the Hogwarts feast?' or 'I'm no muggle, I'm just normal.' Is it OK to do that? I've seen references to other material, celebrities, tv programmes etc in books but people keep warning me not to do it.
Tricky one. It probably wouldn’t require permission from J.K. Rowling’s publisher, but doing this might date your book and make it a target of comparison to Harry Potter. I think it’s better to do your own world-building rather than using someone else’s. Query :
Izzy Fryer, a thirteen-year-old Londoner, unleashes an ancient power when she finds a silver locket in an isolated Peak District village. Following the discovery, she notices that the locket bears a mark associated with a local resurrection legend, but it’s only after a break-in and a vicious attack that she starts to realise its potential. Cuts and bruises disappear overnight, a broken leg heals miraculously. Drawing upon her urban instincts, she must decide who to trust with the secret before someone forces it from her. But it’s not so easy to choose when everyone’s a potential suspect - including her own family. Here's what Gemma and Molly said:Izzy Fryer, a thirteen-year-old Londoner Why is the fact she is from London important if the story is set in the Peak District?, unleashes an ancient power when she finds a silver locket in an isolated Peak District village. Is she on holiday? You could reword this: When on holiday in an isolated Peak District village, thirteen year old Izzy Fryer discovers a silver locket that unleashes an ancient power. Following the discovery, she notices that the locket bears a mark associated with a local resurrection legend, but it’s only after a break-in and a vicious attack On who? that she starts to realise its potential. Cuts and bruises disappear overnight, a broken leg heals miraculously. Whose leg? Drawing upon her urban instincts, she must decide who to trust What has the fact that she’s a Londoner got to do with her ability to work out who to trust? with the secret the secret of what? That the locket heals, or is it something bigger? before someone forces it from her. But it’s not so easy to choose when everyone’s a potential suspect Suspect of what? The attack or the break-in? Or something else?- including her own family. We love short and to-the-point queries, but this is a little too short and vague to really give us an understanding of the world and who the players are. There’s room here to tell us a bit more of the story. What is this ancient power? Who gets hurt? What are people suspected of? This pitch part of your query can be one or two paragraphs. Introduce your main character: What does she want? What’s preventing her from achieving those goals? And what are the stakes if she doesn’t achieve them? Don’t let brevity prevent you from telling us what we need to know to get hooked on your story! Gemma says: Molly and I are both away next month, but we have organised an exciting guest agent to take over the feature - Penny Holroyde from the Caroline Sheldon Literary Agency . Please send over questions for Penny as soon as possible, and make them good ones! Questions can be sent to writers@britishscbwi.org or post them in the comments below. Molly and I will be back to answer questions or critique queries in October.
Gemma Cooper and Molly Ker Hawn represent authors of books for children and young adults. For more information about Gemma and Molly see The Bent Agency website and blog.
Are you looking for a query critique from those in the know? Or do you have a question you've always wanted to ask an agent? Each month, agents Gemma Cooper and Molly Ker Hawn from The Bent Agency are offering just that.
This month, they critique two very different queries sent in to us by our readers.ORIGINAL QUERY ONE:
Dear ***, I am a self taught author/illustrator living in Southend on Sea with my wife and daughter, and work as an office manager. I have been working on a number of books for some years and am now at a stage where I would like to have them in print. I would be most grateful if you would spare a moment to view my attached submission of 4 sample pages and consider representing me in my pursuit to publish the first of my childrens picture books ‘The Tale of the Greedy Fish’. It is written and illustrated by myself, aimed at children around 3 years through to 8 years, and 24 pages in length. It is illustrated in a genuinely unique, eye catching style with enormous merchandising and possible animation potential. All scenes, characters and pages are completely editable and has the ability to be published in paper, ebook or any other medium. In brief it is a humorous story of greed and forgiveness - the Greedy Fish eats all the underwater towns food in Lobsters 24 hour Swim-Thru, and is told to leave town by the King of Crabs and the Octopus Judge. His adventure starts and leads him to find a pirates treasure, which he finally gifts to his town who forgive him for his greediness. All will become much clearer upon viewing! If you would allow me, I would like to send you a pdf copy of the full book for your consideration. The book has a website www.......should you like to have a look at some samples of the character illustrations in the meantime. I hope that I will hear from you soon to discuss my submission, and have the opportunity to discuss working together further. Yours sincerely, NAME Telephone: Email: Here's what Gemma and Molly said:
Dear ***, Make sure to address this to the agent in person, so for us Dear Mrs Ker Hawn or Dear Gemma I am a self taught author/illustrator living in Southend on Sea with my wife and daughter, and work as an office manager. This should come at the end of your query. Also, is being an office manager relevant to the books? If not then don’t include. There is no need to say ‘self-taught,’ just say ‘I’m an author/illustrator.’ If you have studied illustration, then add this at the bottom in your bio. I have been working on a number of books for some years and am now at a stage where I would like to have them in print. I would be most grateful if you would spare a moment to view my attached submission of 4 sample pages and consider representing me in my pursuit to publish the first of my childrens picture books ‘The Tale of the Greedy Fish’. You don’t need any of this. Just open with ‘I am seeking representation for my author/illustrated picture book, ‘The Tale of the Greedy Fish’ complete at X words. It is written and illustrated by myself you said you were the author/illustrator so this is superfluous, aimed at children around 3 years through to 8 years if you tell us earlier that it’s a picture book so you don’t need this. However, picture books do generally fall into two bands – 3-5 and 4-7, so you could clarify this in the line above, ‘picture book for 3-5 yrs’, but you don’t have to as the agent should be able to gauge, and 24 pages in length What is the word count? It is illustrated in a genuinely unique, eye catching style with enormous merchandising and possible animation potential. This description doesn’t actually tell us anything about your illustrations. Every illustrator would describe his or her work this way. And mentioning things like merchandising and animation at this stage will make an agent think you are running before you can walk. Concentrate on pitching the book to the best of your ability in this query and leave the agent to think about the next steps. All scenes, characters and pages are completely editable To get a book published, it would be very likely you would do an edit with the agent and then another few with the publisher, so you don’t need to tell us that the book is editable and has the ability to be published in paper, ebook or any other medium. Again, an agent will know this already, so no need to include. In brief it is a humorous story of greed and forgiveness Your brief synopsis of the book should show this, so no need to tell us - the Greedy Fish eats all the underwater towns (town’s) food in Lobsters 24 hour Swim-Thru, and is told to leave town by the King of Crabs and the Octopus Judge. Do we need all these names in this short pitch? It’s a lot to take in. His adventure starts and leads him to find a pirates treasure If this is where his adventure starts, then you need to tell us more about the exciting bit of the book, which he finally gifts to his town who forgive him for his greediness. Think about this part of the query letter as the blurb on the back of the book – hook the agent with an exciting few lines about the main character and what his motivations and obstacles are, without knowing a lot about the book, here is an attempt – ‘When Greedy Fish is told to leave town after eating all the food, he swims straight into a pirates’ hideaway filled with treasure! Greedy Fish gets the gold, but can he finally learn to share and will the townsfish forgive him?’ All will become much clearer upon viewing! If you would allow me, I would like to send you a pdf copy of the full book for your consideration. The book has a website www............com should you like to have a look at some samples of the character illustrations in the meantime. It’s a great idea for illustrators to have work online so that an agent can look at it while viewing the query. Here is where you can put your biographical information: ‘I live in Southend on Sea with my wife and daughter. Are you a member of any writing organisations – SCBWI, perhaps? Mention this here. You could also add a line about why you are the best person to write this book. Perhaps you own a prize-winning goldfish, or you run a local kids reading group. I hope that I will hear from you soon to discuss my submission, and have the opportunity to discuss working together further. ‘Thank you for your time’ will suffice here. Yours sincerely, Name Telephone: Email:
Original Query Two:
Dear (AGENT NAME HERE), Twelve year-old Fidelia Quail lives for the sea. She and her parents, esteemed marine biologists, have tagged and tracked every creature in Arborley Sea: whales, jellyfish, octopuses, sea snakes, even sharks. But the experienced scientists are no match for the Undertow. This annual end-of-summer storm makes an early appearance in the bay, and the Drs. Quail are blown out of the research submarine. They float, lost at sea, and it's up to Fidelia to rescue them. Fidelia heads for the local pub to find a sea dog brave enough to sail through the deadly Undertow, but no one will do it... until a mysterious pirate, Merrick the Monstrous, offers Fidelia a bargain. If she will use her marine biology savvy to dive through shark-infested waters and retrieve his sunken treasure, he'll find her parents. Easier said than done! Merrick has a list of treasons longer than a ribbon eel. The navy's hunting for him, and they won't stop until he hangs. Fidelia suspects Merrick isn't playing with a full deck. His pocket watch ticks backwards in a countdown. His cough sounds worse than a seagull at low tide. And his beloved underwater treasure turns out to be just a worthless, salt-eaten pewter brooch. Rescue the Quails before they drown. Find the brooch before the navy blasts the pirates into driftwood. Unravel Merrick's secret before the pocket watch runs out of time... Holy hammerhead, it seems impossible. Even for a girl who swims with sharks. My 50k-word MG adventure, RACE TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA, is Jules Verne meets Robin Hood. Thank you! (name)
Here's what Molly and Gemma said:
This is actually a pretty solid query: it gives us a clear idea of the main character, what she wants, and the high stakes of this adventure. But it’s a bit wordy; we don’t need quite so much description of Merrick, nor do we need to know about the Undertow: we just need to know that the Drs. Quail are lost at sea. Remember that we’re likely to be reading your query after reading thirty others, and we’ll still have thirty more to go: if you can be economical with your words and still get the plot and the feel of your book across, you’re much likelier to pique our interest. (One line that could read confusing is the Drs. Quail being ‘blown out of the research submarine’ – Gemma read this as being ejected from the submarine, rather than being blown out to sea!) Gemma and Molly will be back next month answering more questions and critiquing your queries. If you have a question you'd like to ask them, or are ready to start querying and would like some feedback from the professionals before you start submitting, email us at writers@britishscbwi.org
Gemma Cooper and Molly Ker Hawn represent authors of books for children and young adults. For more information about Gemma and Molly see The Bent Agency website and blog.
